Personification. I am a person , I do have feelings really deeply, when they appear in the bottom of my heart or soul I can’t assure but they are like stars like flying stars, they come and go. I do not want to be treated specially though, I am a person, that is all. I can be an adult but sometimes I dream with the child I bring in my inner not only body but in my inner heart. I once was a child but my imagination has grown up desperately in all this years. I supposed to be growing up, reassuring my personality, but I am lost as a new born who even don’t know how to cry. But I cry and laugh sometimes, and moreover I feel I feel in a desperate way, in an intense and truthful way. I can’t do my poetry in English , suppose I cannot but is so intense my feeling that I am lost in everybodies feelings. I know others are like mirrors in which you can not only see yourself. If I say mi sister hate me I say everything. Perhaps she is not the perfect mirror for me to watch into, but she is my sister! and she does hate me somehow. I suppose she never conceived my birth, so I think she denies my person. But she is not the only one. I had some friends, I had or felt friendship until they quit. They simply went far away to live their lives.
Here I feel alone , a lonelinness no word can explain nor dissolute, I don’t want to feel I am a victim, which I am not. I have my dreams, and I will try every time to get nearer my objectives, my dreams, if it were not for my dreams, the ones which keep the light of that star shining, I will be lost. But I am not, I have develop the art of writing lately and the more I write the more I feel I am alive, or my feelings collide in a black hole before a white board. I know I will never be famous because of writing or because of nothing, I do not search notoriety, I just search relief.
And in every word I wrote I try to find that inner self of mine. And it is difficult to find one self in the savage world of today. Today people do sex but not love, they look for a partner not to go through the life alone but just for pleasure. From this point of view I am all alone and will always be, becasue I want to find myself I think I found already myself and the porblem is the other does not accept this self.
So it is really difficult for me not to adapt, which I try, but to get to the other. But I dream and I dream with changing, everyday changing this known self in order to be accepted. No I think this way I won’t accept the deal. I won’t change myself because my sister can’t support me or because I am special. I feel special because I think everybody is special. Every person, everyone has a world inside and we must conquer that world before sexting, we must love before pleasure, which I did all my life, the romantic point of view , which could be the reason of my inacceptance.
Meanwhile I live of my dreams, literally, I can’t but dream. And the more I dream I know the less I am touching ground. But I always found a grey ground in distance from the blue sky, where I definetely belong.